He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
