U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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