just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
