My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize