at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Less talking, more tequila
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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