I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
...so i touched it.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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