They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
