i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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