I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize