this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
