My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
