4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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