Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
