Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
