so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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