Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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