Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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