I don't think brook has ever known best
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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