if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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