the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Floor bacon is actually really good
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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