he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
