i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
