They should really pass out barf bags in church
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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