Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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