so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
