I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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