hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize