His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize