who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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