Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
