the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
