I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
