No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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