Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize