awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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