WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
