i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
