I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
