I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
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