Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Randomize
