I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
