Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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