What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
