She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
