So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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