I wish I could teleport
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize