i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
