but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
