I think I am morally bankrupt
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
