puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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