i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Still dying that you shit outside
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
