im drinking this country out of the recession.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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