1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
