This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
