is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
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