I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
