Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize