I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
