there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
