cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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