I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
