he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
