So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
