WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
