Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
